Monday, August 24, 2009

like watching paint dry without the thrill of closure

this evening, i watched HOWARDS END. wow. ive seen some outstandingly boring movies in my day but this one is EPIC. i knew this would be boring going into it but i couldnt even comprehend the sheer dullness of it. just to clarify, this is the 1992 merchant/ivory film with anthony hopkins, helena bonham carter, and emma thompson. yeah, thats a damn good cast and they arent wasted. in fact, they perform their roles perfectly. after all, this is an EM Forster novel. twilight, it aint.

however, howards end was so boring that it seemed like it was trying to alienate the audience. 90 minutes in, the characters kept on prattling without a raised voice or anything to break up the monotony of subtle british attitudes. i felt like ismael merchant was saying, 'youre still watching up? alright, lets take out the any of sly comedy of manners bits.'

2 hours in, i was loading the dishwasher and realized that i never wanted michael bay to take over directing a movie so much. in his um...unique hands, the movie would not have ended with a sweeping shot over the grounds of howards end.

and um...megan fox would replace emma thompson...and helena bonham carter...and anthony hopkins. now THAT i would watch.