Friday, January 14, 2011

Golden Globe Are on Sunday. Whoop-Dee-Do. My picks

the golden globes are a funny thing. and by funny, i mean stupid and infuriating. they are such obvious starfuckers and with their almost nonsensical nominations and contradictory winners make them a curiousity rather than the Oscar precursor it originally was.

Since it's a foregone conclusion comedies don't win Oscars, I submit to you the last five winners of the Globe for Best Drama: Avatar, Slumdog Millionaire, Atonement, Babel, and Brokeback Mountain. One of a five right is a pretty terrible predictor. Also, every year, their choices in the comedy category continue their quest from quirky and controversial to silly. I think the collective "WTF" moment moviegoers had when they saw that Alice in Wonderland, Burlesque, and The Tourist had been nominated proves this. Not only had all three films garnered attrocious reviews (well deserved in the case of Alice) but The Tourist is not even close to being considered a comedy (IMDB says its genres are action/drama). The Satellite Awards, the awards given by the International Press Academy also have a comedy category and they nailed it, nominating critically and publicly acclaimed films like Please Give, Cyrus, and the eventual winner and perpetual snub, Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World.

So why am I writing about such a shitty awards show? Probably the same reason I know who all the Jersey Shore people are. It's a trainwreck and I can morally accept devoting a bit of text to picking winners and criticisizing the nominess. So, here we go, my picks for the movie ones. Bolded films indicate my choices for winners.

Best Motion Picture - Drama
Black Swan
The Fighter
The King's Speech
The Social Network

The Social Network is going to win the Oscar for best picture unless Black Swan picks up some major momentum, which I don't think is going to happen. So why Inception? The globes love big movies that make a lot of money (Avatar). Inception is this movie. It's a pretty spectacular movie too so a win wouldn't be a major defeat for anything. I would like to see Black Swan or the King's Speech though, the latter of which was the best out of the lot in terms of story structure.

Best Motion Picture - Musical or Comedy
Alice in Wonderland
The Kids Are All Right
The Tourist

While I didn't see The Tourist, I can say that none of these movies were all that great. Red was entertaining but as I mentioned above, Scott Pilgrim Vs. the World was the best comedy this year by far. Why the Kids Are All Right? Why not? It was liked by a lot of people though I genuinely despised it and can you honestly envision anything else winning?

Best Performance by an Actor in a Motion Picture - Drama
Jesse Eisenberg for The Social Network
Colin Firth for The King's Speech
James Franco for 127 Hours
Ryan Gosling for Blue Valentine
Mark Wahlberg for The Fighter

The five nominees are the likely Oscar nominees but the acting awards are usually completely different from the Oscars. While I think that Colin Firth is the likely Oscar winner, I am saying Jesse Eisenberg, the "Michael Cera of Drama" will win here. My personal vote would be Ryan Gosling. That man could do no wrong.

Best Performance by an Actress in a Motion Picture - Drama
Halle Berry for Frankie and Alice
Nicole Kidman for Rabbit Hole
Jennifer Lawrence for Winter's Bone
Natalie Portman for Black Swan
Michelle Williams for Blue Valentine

Never before has an acting race been so predictable. Either Jennifer Lawrence or Natalie Portman has won virtually every actress award. While Ms. Lawrence's performance was outstanding, Portman lost 20 pounds, learned ballet, and was pitch perfect as a tortured, ballerina slowly losing her mind.

Best Performance by an Actor in a Motion Picture
Johnny Depp for The Tourist
Johnny Depp for Alice in Wonderland
Paul Giamatti for Barney's Version
Jake Gyllenhaal for Love and Other Drugs
Kevin Spacey for Casino Jack

::bands head against wall:: Here is what I am saying will happen. The Depp nominations will split. No one saw Barney's Version or Casino Jack and Gyllenhaal will end up winning. That or Depp will win for Alice in Wonderland in his umpteenth role as a guy with a funny voice in a big hat.

Best Performance by an Actress in a Motion Picture
Annette Bening for The Kids Are All Right
Anne Hathaway for Love and Other Drugs
Angelina Jolie for The Tourist
Julianne Moore for The Kids Are All Right
Emma Stone for Easy A

This one is a little easier to predict. Bening is a shoe-in. She has nailed down awards acting awards early on before Winter's Bone and Black Swan. I would like see Emma Stone win but she is young and talented and will get hers. Easy A was a fun movie though.

Best Performance by an Actor in a Supporting Role in a Motion Picture
Christian Bale for The Fighter
Michael Douglas for Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps
Andrew Garfield for The Social Network
Jeremy Renner for The Town
Geoffrey Rush for The King's Speech

Christian Bale. Nuf Said. He is this year's Christophe Waltz or Javier Bardem. What's with supporting actor being so tied up?

Best Performance by an Actress in a Supporting Role in a Motion Picture
Amy Adams for The Fighter
Helena Bonham Carter for The King's Speech
Mila Kunis for Black Swan
Melissa Leo for The Fighter
Jacki Weaver for Animal Kingdom

Though Jackie Weaver will most likely win the Oscar, Amy Adams is the likely winner here. In a film filled with great performances, Adams and Leo both stood out. Why not Melissa Leo? The Globes have a soft spot for It girls and not veteran extraordinarily competent actresses.

Best Director - Motion Picture
Darren Aronofsky for Black Swan
David Fincher for The Social Network
Tom Hooper for The King's Speech
Christopher Nolan for Inception
David O. Russell for The Fighter

The likely Oscar winner, Fincher is an accomplished director and his undeniable style and ability to get panicked drama out of his actors helped Social Network achieve much of its glory. I would be surprised if anyone else won though Christopher Nolan is not to be counted out. Though with an effects heavy movie like Inception, the look and style was achieved through a cadre of computer designers with Nolan at the helm. Social Network is all Fincher. Though my vote would have went with Nolan...or Aronofsky.

Best Screenplay - Motion Picture
127 Hours (2010)
Inception (2010)
The Kids Are All Right (2010)
The King's Speech (2010)
The Social Network (2010)

I don't like that the Globes do not split screenplay into original and adapted. If so, then Social Network would be my pick for adapted and for original, Inception. The former is my pick. Again, I think there is an equal chance that Nolan could win but I remind you all that TSN was written by Aaron Sorkin, an Emmy winner and 3-time Globe nominee. The HFPA might decide it's time for Sorkin.

Best Original Song - Motion Picture
Burlesque (2010/I): Samuel Dixon, Christina Aguilera, Sia Furler("Bound to You")
Burlesque (2010/I): Diane Warren("You Haven't Seen The Last of Me")
Country Strong (2010): Bob DiPiero, Tom Douglas, Hillary Lindsey, Troy Verges("Coming Home")
The Chronicles of Narnia: The Voyage of the Dawn Treader (2010): Carrie Underwood, David Hodges, Hillary Lindsey("There's A Place For Us")
Tangled (2010): Alan Menken, Glenn Slater("I See the Light")

oh who the fuck cares. I didn't know Sia wrote a song for Burlesque. I didn't know she needed the money. Her new album We are Born is outstanding. Buy it. Give the globe to the Disney song and let's all jump off a cliff.

Best Original Score - Motion Picture
127 Hours (2010): A.R. Rahman
Alice in Wonderland (2010): Danny Elfman
Inception (2010): Hans Zimmer
The King's Speech (2010): Alexandre Desplat
The Social Network (2010): Trent Reznor, Atticus Ross

While I would love to see "Golden Globe Winner" preface Trent Reznor's name, Inception's South Park parodied score will most likely to win. Here is the parody:
Best Animated Film
Despicable Me (2010)
How to Train Your Dragon (2010)
The Illusionist (2010)
Tangled (2010)
Toy Story 3 (2010)

Do I even need an explanation here?

Best Foreign Language Film
Biutiful (2010)(Mexico/Spain)
The Concert (2009)(France)
The Edge (2010)(Russia)
I Am Love (2009)(Italy)
In a Better World (2010)(Denmark)

This is another interesting year for the Foreign Language film category. Yes, last year was interesting as well with the race between Mikael Haneke's Die Weisse Band and the Argentinian film, El Secreto De Sus Ojos. What? You never heard of them? Oh. Um...both were very good. Ok. Let's move on. I Am Love was an Italian film starring Tilda Swintom and Biutiful is Alejandro Gonzalez Innaritu's (21 grams, Babel) latest film and stars Javier Bardem. Though I Am Love is a likely Oscar winner, the HFPA has shown some major love to Innaritu and even though the film has received mixed reviews, that didn't stop Babel from winning best Drama.

so there ya go. stay tuned for an analysis of the ceremony when i rant about how none of my picks were right and why the globes are shit because of this.